Self Actualization and Interdependence in Gifted Children
* Please enjoy this article below by Annemarie Roeper, that may gives us some new perceptions of our gifted children.Giftedness is Heart & Soul – By Annemarie Roeper
The traditional model of education tends to look at human beings as basically driven by cognition. It focuses more on that which is testable, on that which can be learned and reproduced. It sees the human being primarily as rational and logical. It sees education as a linear process leading to achievement. It sees giftedness as high achievement and the highly gifted as the highest achievers.
An alternative model of education called, “Self Actualization and Interdependence” (SAI), sees education as a global, all-encompassing process of growth. It sees giftedness in an emotional context in which the cognitive is included. This perspective changes every aspect of education including the goal of education, assessment, curriculum and community structure, and is reflected in the view of the highly gifted.
The SAI model
The SAI model views human beings as independent decision-makers, driven by a necessity to be true to themselves. It embraces the core of who they are and their striving to actualize emotionally, cognitively, consciously, and unconsciously as well as physically. All of these aspects clamor for a place in the world and stem from each person’s unique Self. The Self is the “I,” the “I of the beholder.” It is the place from which we see and interpret the world and ourselves.
To understand any human being, any child, and certainly any gifted child, we need to focus on the Self, the inner core. The Self has no choice but to pursue its inner goal, the way a flower must follow its inner destination.
The Selves of human beings are the most intricate organisms in the world, mosaics of interlocking parts and systems, some conscious and more unconscious. all forming a whole which fluidly connects with other Selves. There is so much that is mysterious, so much that is unconscious, which determines behavior and feelings.
Through the ages, humankind has been intrigued with the Self, the soul, the psyche. This mystery has inspired a variety of thought, is eulogized in poetry, researched in different branches of psychology, and hotly debated. Education, however, has a tendency to ignore the Self, and doesn’t acknowledge its existence as a primary factor or even a reality. It therefore misses much of what is significant in any child and especially in the gifted child. Giftedness includes heart and soul and is not limited to intelligence and achievement.
I would like to describe the Self of the gifted child. What is true for all human beings is even more apparent in gifted children. The specific characteristics of the gifted lead them more often to be in conflict with their environment. They bump up against outside expectations because their deepened cognitive understanding leads to emotional urgency.
We learn about a child’s giftedness not only through cognitive testing, but also through observation, communication, and our own emotional receptiveness. Giftedness is revealed in who children are, how they feel, how they approach the environment, and what is shared in trusting relationships with empathetic adults. Only another human being is an instrument refined enough to recognize the inner world of another human being, and experience the texture of that innerness. A test can only assess those areas that are testable.
The traditional method of assessment uses standardized testing. Its purpose is to find out how much children know, how they learn, to predict how they may succeed, and to determine their strengths and weaknesses, measured against the accepted norm. It essentially asks the question, “How will these children adjust to the expectations of society?”
The SAI model (Roeper, 1999) uses an elaborate careful method of observation. The purpose is not to evaluate against a norm, but rather to understand each Self individually with no strings attached. We look at the Self to discover its passions, its inner-directions, its cognitive ability, and only then, how it relates to society.
With this accomplished, we can begin to create or find the appropriate learning environment or to make changes according to the inner needs of this child. We ask the question, “How will this child grow?”
Gifted children have greater awareness, a larger horizon, react emotionally to that which they know and experience more than others. For instance, young children who understand that the universe keeps on expanding, feel compelled to think about eternity and infinity. They often can’t fall asleep, because this knowledge fills them with strong emotions of awe and terror.
This strong preoccupation is often a sign of giftedness in very young children. A child, Johnny, (a composite of many typically gifted children) agonizes about the meaning of death, and the meaning of life. The thought haunts him. He feels overwhelmed, dizzy, and somehow dislocated relative to his own insignificance. He says, “I feel so scared about dying.”
Johnny tells me that he has a whole world in his head, as big as the world outside. It is a world where there are no labels either in his clothes to irritate and scratch his sensitive skin or in his environment to define him; a world that accepts him as he is.
In the outside world, he feels exposed, everything touches him directly. He looks at a flower growing out of a tiny seed. His eyes are full of wonder, but his friends look at him with impatience. “Race you to the corner,” says one friend, but Johnny has not even heard him, for now he wonders about the DNA of the flower and he is overcome with the beauty of this miraculous growth. The sense of beauty fills him with such deep emotions that he cannot keep his limbs from moving.
This sense of wonder might occur anywhere. That is why in the classroom, he has not heard a word the teacher has said. When he is not in his inner-world, Johnny measures himself against outside expectations and finds himself wanting.
His eyes fill with tears, when he says to me, “I am stupid. I try hard, but I cannot spell, my handwriting is horrible, and my room is a mess.” When this happens, parents and teachers become concerned, and the system defines his behavior as pathological.
However, the child’s way of being proclaims giftedness loud and clear. A contradiction occurs: The child has been tested as highly-gifted, but the very actions that exhibit giftedness are interpreted as pathological. This is why it is so important that children are understood within the norm of their emotional giftedness.
Gifted children find themselves in a system which is harmful because it only recognizes the narrow road of expected achievement. They do not fit this system and find themselves in alien territory. They may be bored by what is expected, and also puzzled by it. They are often conscious of being deprived, for the world is so filled with excitement yet they are not allowed to explore and develop their inner agenda.
Seemingly Problematic Behavior. Following, are descriptions of some behaviors which are often interpreted as pathological because they are not seen within the context of giftedness.
Fierce Drive to Learn
Fierce Drive to Learn Daniel, a four-year-old boy, is a terror in nursery school. He fights, disrupts, and knows how to push everyone’s buttons. The general belief is that he has a behavior problem and the school is not equipped to handle him. When, in a last attempt, the teacher asked him in desperation, “Why do you have to act in such a way that makes everyone angry at you?” He answers in great anger, “You fooled me; I thought school was for learning and no one teaches me how to read.”
In the ensuing discussion, the teacher proposed that they make a bargain, “You stop fighting, and I will teach you how to read.” While others played, she found time to teach him. It truly worked like a miracle. This was clearly a gifted child driven to learn.
Procrastination
This often occurs when the needs of the Self clash with the expectations of society. An 11-year-old girl, Angelica, and I were in a deep conversation; she was totally concentrating and carefully choosing her words. Her need to be understood reflected her desperation, and was a cry for help. We were striving to understand her problem of procrastination. It worried her greatly and together we tried to figure out the reason. She said, “When this happens, I am not exactly bored. It’s like you must go down a one-way street the teacher wants you to go. You come to a crossroads, you really want to turn and go where it looks exciting, but you know you are not supposed to go. This is why I sit in front of my homework, and cannot do it. It is like one rope pulling you one way and another rope pulling you the other way.”
Such a child feels helpless and cannot listen to either voice – outside demands or inner pressure. This results in stagnation. Her understanding of math concepts is outstanding and even though she is driven to learn, she can’t. Procrastination within this context is a sign of giftedness.
Perfectionism
Many gifted children are like a little Plato; their giftedness allows them to envision the perfect teapot and so they feel the inner pressure to create it. They have to be perfect because they know what perfection is. Many young gifted children shy away from drawing because they can envision the perfect picture, the perfect house, and they haven’t developed the fine motor skills to accurately reproduce it. Perfectionism inhibits the child from performing or practicing, for fear of failure.
Also, it is almost unbearable for the gifted to see imperfections unrecognized, for instance, when the teacher makes mistakes which are obvious to the child, but unacknowledged by the teacher. Frequently, for example, a child has a better solution for a math problem and innocently confronts the teacher. This often makes the teacher defensive and conflict ensues. The need for perfection is a sign of giftedness.
Sense of Justice
This is also the result of perfectionism. It stems from depth of insight and empathy. It leads to numerous clashes. Here’s an example. A very shy, very gifted 7-year-old boy told me that he didn’t like school because the teacher tore up his friend’s drawing of a dragon because it didn’t look the way the teacher thought it should. He explained with the most sophisticated vocabulary that his friend was an expert on dragons. He was overcome with anger and so concerned for his friend, he forgot his shyness, unexpectedly stood up and in a loud voice, told the teacher how unfair she was. Gifted children become the judges of adult behavior and are puzzled and hurt when we fail them. They then react with frustration or anger and are seen as the problem.
When these behaviors are misunderstood it can create a vicious cycle. Adults begin to worry about the child who disrupts the procedures and become convinced there is something wrong with the child. The child feels devastated and afraid of disappointing the parents. The diagnoses from experts begin to appear: learning disabilities, ADD, socialization problems, immaturity, even Asperger’s Syndrome. Their giftedness becomes a liability. Gifted children whom I see in my consultation service tell me that they wish they could just be normal.
Giftedness comes all too often with a burden of assumed abnormality.
There are of course true learning disabilities. It’s important to differentiate between giftedness and pathology. It is always an experience for me when I can explain this distinction to parents. I explain that it is the environment which imposes goals and standards that are inappropriate. We must change the expectations of the environment, not change the child. They seem to feel relieved and empowered and it’s as though they have been given permission to love their child unconditionally.
As the crucial factor in the free evolution of the child moving through the developmental phases, parents are caught in the middle and do not know whom to trust. Should they follow the child’s inner agenda, or the expectations of the environment?
Parents often feel the obligation to protect their children by insisting that they embrace the point of view of the system. Unfortunately, this often results in children feeling more isolated because they have to engage in a struggle with the parents. Those children though, who feel the unconditional love from their parents, and feel that the parents are on their side, can weather the negative effects of not being understood by the system, and can still blossom. Parents are the true life-line, especially for the gifted. No child can grow without being positively recognized. It is no exaggeration that unconditional love is the most important means of education.
A New Trend
Recently I have noticed an encouraging new trend. I am astounded by the subtle but important changes I observe in the attitude of parents. They used to wonder about what they could do to help their children adjust to our competitive society. More and more however, they are asking such questions as, “Who is my child, really?” “How can I better understand my child?” “Where do I find a learning environment which will be both accepting and understanding?” “How can I change the system to fit my child?”
An example: Mary, age 8, feels unconnected at school, a loner. Her parents brought her to consult with me about finding an appropriate learning environment. Her giftedness was exhibited in her sophisticated conversation and detailed knowledge of animal behavior. She arrived clutching a little box. We played and talked, and all the while I waited for her to open the box. When I asked her when she planned to open it, she told me that it was nailed shut. My curiosity grew. Finally I learned that she had been heartbroken over the death of her cat. Her loneliness had increased. Her parents, who are empathetic and spiritually very connected with her, had the cat cremated and allowed her to keep the ashes in the box always with her. This child seemed content and her spirit remains unhindered because her parents acted upon her needs. Her parents’ insightful, unconventional support is like a shield for this gentle child against the harshness she feels from her school environment.
If we begin to allow ourselves to be guided by the agenda of the Self, a door opens to finding alternatives. Society’s judgment is no longer seen as absolute. We find that it is possible to meet individual needs and society’s needs in many alternative ways not yet explored.
Children who are seen as having difficulties at school and chafe under the teacher’s expectation, may no longer be seen as the problem. Sometimes their grades tend to be low, not because of such things as attention deficit, but because of attention focused elsewhere. If we listen to our inner voice, it may tell us that the problem is more complex.
Many highly gifted children and adolescents may want to write a book, or a symphony, build a car, follow their dreams. I have seen several 9- and 10-year-olds, who with their parents help, are happily piecing their own educational structure together. For instance, they may be taking a few subjects at their regular school. The area in which they excel, such as math, may be pursued in a community college. They may spend the rest of their day studying violin, skating, science, or whatever they are passionate about.
When we honor their inner agenda, children feel a sense of freedom and power. They feel more accepted. They are no longer bumping up against external roadblocks and they no longer feel bored and worthless. It is evident that they develop less behavior problems, such as procrastination, and are more likely to find enjoyment in their learning environment.
I believe their contribution to society will be greater than if they had followed the usual course. This does not mean they will be protected from the vicissitudes of life. What I am describing here is clearly the beginning of a movement which has not yet penetrated to the core of society’s attitudes.
There is evidence of pressure for change, mostly coming from children and they are forcing us to listen. They are showing us alternative structures for growth and learning. This constitutes a major change in attitude.
In the wake of these evolving perspectives, the goal of education must change from a model of adjusting, fixing, shaping, and remolding the child into our expectations. Education must take the lead in creating a new model based upon supporting the growth of the child, creating a comfortable niche for the highly gifted. This would allow them to reach for the stars. The first step in bringing about this change is to recognize that giftedness shows in the emotions of the child.
Emotional Evaluation
By understanding emotional characteristics as clues for identifying gifted children, our evaluation methods allow us to tell the degree of giftedness. For example, the more highly gifted children are, the greater is their command of language and symbolic thinking, memory, ability to find creative solutions to vexing problems, and such things as knowing how to handle the computer by the age of two. We understand that the more highly gifted children are, the more their emotions vary from others – they are more sensitive and intense. The nature of their experience is different. The more highly gifted, the greater the dissonance between them and others. They are the most finely tuned instruments which could play the most beautiful music if we allowed their music to be heard.
Understanding the complex structure of emotions and the Self of the gifted is what is missing in traditional assessment of giftedness. Only if we include this consciousness will we be able to do justice to the needs of the gifted and the highly gifted. Only then will they have the chance to develop their Self and their inner agenda. Assessing the emotions must become an important part of any evaluation.
In empathetic assessment of the emotions, we experience the child through a variety of verbal and non-verbal clues, we listen and interact with both child and parent, and our non-judgmental receptivity brings forth a desire to communicate on the part of the child. The child shares his interests, knowledge, and feelings. It is just as important to describe what we are not doing. We bring no agenda, no prepared list of questions, no preconceived expectations, and no judgment. Each session is a surprise and no two are alike.
The evaluator becomes the instrument for evaluation and receives the child as a whole being and listens to the child’s impressions. The evaluator must try to be aware of the inner obstacles to a free reception to the child’s Self. At our center, we use two evaluators who together can provide even better understanding. The amount of information gained in this non-judgemental way is often amazing.
In fact, we gain such specific information we are able to predict the IQ score without the use of standardized testing. We have literally hundreds of cases where our assessment closely coincided with the recorded IQ, and much additional insight is gained.
In the SAI model, we realize the evaluation itself is an intrusion into the life of another human being and may impact self-image. We are aware that our conclusions may influence attitudes and decisions that have important bearing on the future as well as the present. The family may see the child in a different light depending on the result of the evaluation. The IQ score is never forgotten.
The evaluator must therefore take great responsibility for the manner in which the results are communicated. It’s not enough to send a form letter. Either a detailed comprehensive letter or a post-assessment consultation is required to do justice to the richness and sensitivity of the information. Results that differ from the expectations must be handled carefully and gently.
Educational perspectives have been based on behaviorism and most of the research about gifted children has been in the area of cognition. In shifting our attitude to appropriately include the affective dimensions, individuals who are assessing, teaching, and parenting gifted children are seeing a whole new vista open up. Psychology, education, and spirituality are merging into a new perspective. There is much we can learn from each other which can enrich our view of the world and profit the future of gifted children and all children.
Reference
Roeper, A. (1999) Self-Actualization and Interdependence-SAI a Fundamentally Different Concept of Education. Unpublished article (from the CAG Communicator, Vol. 31, No.4, FALL, 2000) Reprinted with permission, December 2001. Annemarie Roeper, Ed.D. was headmistress of the Roeper City and Country School for Gifted Children for over 40 years. Also a noted author, she can be reached through her website: ROEPER CONSULTATION SERVICE http://www.roeperconsultation.com
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